Best friends

Can boys and girls be best friends?

The myth of boys and girls are not able to be best friends is widespread. Someone is always wanting more than a friendship. Can boys and girls be best friends?

Making friends has to be learnt

Best friends do always have a place for you, you can trust each other and you can understand each other without words. Common interests, the same humour and the fact that you are joying time together are linking you. Physical closeness without being sexual is no problem so there is nothing against cuddling while watching a movie.

When we were young we had a new best friend each week. Children do not have the ability to become friends conscious yet. They have to learn empathy first.

A means to an end

Children are looking for friends more purposeful than we do. Am I painting with pleasure I will look for friends, painting too. Friendships are not permanent at this age. Geographical proximity and availability outweigh the personality of a friend.

The understanding of give and take is still missing at this age. This should be the base of a friendship and children have to learn making compromises, acknowledging mistakes and being able to apologize. Younger children don’t matter playing with a boy or a girl in general. In case of both having same interests they get along.

Later on it’s getting important, who is our friend or not. Equality becomes a new condition of friendship. Psychologists know that mostly all best friends are of the same age, the same sex and have the same interests.

Interests of boys and girls are often very different. Girls are playing with puppets or playing pricesses-role-play-games. This is called face-to-face-playing. Whereas boys are playing football or searching for an adventure. This is called side-by-side-playing. From a scientific point of view this is why boys and girls can’t be best friends.

Equality as a condition for friendship?

In school-age this differences become more apparent. Girls need friends to talk about their “first time” or their menstruation. This has to be other girls because they think boys do not understand their stuff. Boys prefer talking to boys as well – about the sweet girl from the neighbourhood for example. Boys are even more isolated than girls. In a group of boys a girl is only accepted when she has the same interests like playing soccer. This is explained by society. A girl not wearing dresses and playing soccer is more tolerated than a boy with feminine characteristics.

And then we reach puberty…

The teenagers’ life is often taking place in cliques with equal interests. Borders between sexes become blurred again. Intense friendships are very important at this age. They are in preparation for adolescence to leave parental home. Intimate relationships between two girls or platonic friendships between a boy and a girl are not uncommon. These friendships can become a romance and big love in the end.

Surveys present that 44 percent of men gravitate to their female best friend. On the other hand only 31 percent of women gravitate to their male best friend.

Do you know the other sex?

These are the results of a survey I did on my blog:

Are girls pleased with a message in the morning?

Boys: 100% saying YES Girls: 80% saying YES, 20% saying NO

Are boys pleased with a message in the morning?

Boys: 78% saying YES, 22% saying NO Girls: 50% saying YES, 50% saying NO  

Boys are better drivers.

Boys: 67% AGREED, 33% DISAGREED Girls: 100% DISAGREED  

Girls envy boys for peeing without sitting down.

Boys: 75% saying YES, 25% saying NO Girls: 75% saying YES, 25% saying NO  

Boys do not show any feelings.

Boys: 33% AGREED, 67% DISAGREED Girls: 25% AGREED, 75% DISAGREED  

Boys are feeling superior.

Boys: 70% AGREED, 30% DISAGREED Girls: 50% AGREED, 50% DISAGREED  

Why boys usually are in rage:

Boys: girls want to be emancipated, but depending on boys Girls: girls are know-it-alls  

Why girls usually are in rage:

Boys: Boys are not tidy Girls: boys are know-it-alls and machos  

What boys are pleased with most:

Boys: Money Girls: Money  

What girls are pleased with most:

Boys: his credit card

Girls: flowers or pralines

Does it work?

As shown in this survey, sexes do not always agree. This is not necessary at all – true to the old adage that opposites attract. I think it’s not only possible for boys and girls to be best friends, it’s desirable. It’s important to beware borders: Sexuality is not part of this friendship, but we have to break down other frontiers to maximize tolerance between boys and girls to gain a deeper understanding of typical boy or girl things.

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